Thursday, July 11, 2019

Counting Love


Months ago, I had the courage to submit to Boiling Waters one of the random poems I wrote. 

But just to document the piece here in my blog, I decided to also post the poem here. This was inspired by an old Bible, which I bought eleven (11) years ago. It was a Bible I bought using my monthly stipend during college. That was the time that I started reading the Bible and got to know Jesus Christ a bit. Three years later, I was a graduating student and I joined a Catholic Youth community, where my relationship with the Lord grew a bit more. That year, I had this silly idea of counting the word "love" in the Bible. Yeah! If there are 365 "Do not be afraid" in the bible, then maybe, love can be counted as well. When I left my hometown and moved to Cebu, I left the Bible at home and even forgot about the "counting" I did back then.

Fast forward, 7 years later, I went home and found the old Bible. It brought so much memories except for the numbers written on the pages. It actually took me days before I realize that the numbers written are the number of "love" I counted.

So, read on...


Binilang ko ang Love
Yes, silly, stupid na o tanga
Di ko ikakahiyang there was a time in my life
na yung love, binilang ko nga.

I was never a fan of Math
But I've always been amazed how numbers 
can really make everything sound so smart
Kaya in a world kung saan maraming nagsasabing
"ang pag-ibig ay nakakabobo"
Baka sakaling may maniwala na kapag ang pag-ibig
nagkaroon nang numero.

Parang gravity, area, pi, find the value of "y"
parang force, time and speed, 
at sige, pati na rin ang  "x" mo, atin nang ipilit
di ba mas nagiging totoo
kung may numerical value?

And even though Meriam or Webster would say
Love is an abstract noun that can never be counted, touched and displayed.
Matigas ang ulo ko, malay natin, baka magkabreakthrough ako
Kapag nalaman ko ang numerical limits nito.

Di na ako lumayo, alam kong wala akong
mababasang Love sa Calculos
Kaya binasa ko ang bibliya, tutal naman 
narito ang salita ng Diyos.

Isa, dalawa, tatlo...
Di pa tapos ang isang pahina
Ako'y nakatatlo na
Apat, lima, anim
Hanggang saan nga ba ako aabutin?

Sampo, Limampo, isang daan
Hanggang kailan ako magbibilang?

Sa madaling salita, hindi ko rin natapos
Hindi ko na matandaan kung napagod ako sa kakabilang
o tinigil ko lang talaga ang aking naging kahibangan.

9 years na ang dumaan nang makita kong muli ang Bibliya
Inaalikabok at manilaw-dilaw ang mga pahina.
I didn't understand bakit may mga numerong nakasulat
It took me a day to remember na minsan pala
ang love ay aking binilang.

Call me crazy but I was smiling like one
That 19 year old me has always been one.
Pero ang sagot, akin ring napagtanto
Yung value na hinahanap ko?
Sus! Tagilid lang pala na otso.

Di ko na kailangang idifferentiate
The limit does not exist kasi nga infinite.

Walang height na sa taas ay susukat
Walang weight kung gaano ito kabigat
At kahit x2, x3, x4 ka pang magpalpitate
mangisay ngisay ka man sa kilig
hindi sapat ang highblood pressure mo 
para sukatin ang kakayahang magmahal ng iyong puso.

Binilang ko ang Love 
And I failed to get a concrete answer
How high and how wide
How deep and how long
How sweet and how strong
Kahit kailan, di masusukat ang volume.

Kasi nga, there's This Guy who set the standards for love.
Binigyan niya nang concrete na value ang ideyang abstract

And it made me ask myself,
Ba't ko nga ba kailangang bilangin ang love
na ni kasalanan ko nga, kahit kailan hindi Niya binilang.
Napakalawak nang Love na pinakita niya
Kapatawarang x2, x3, x4, sangkatirba
Hindi niya binilang kung ilang pako ang pinako sa kamay niya
maipakita lang niyang...
"Anak, mahal kita!"

Walang sinabi ang nalalaman mong formula
Hindi niyan masusukat kung hanggang saan niya
kayang magmahal, magpatawad, repeat until fade ang pattern niya.

Love, binilang ko, apat na letra lang naman
pero sapat na ito para gawin Niya ang buong kalawakan
para ang langit ay mapintahan
nang lumiliwanag na bituin, araw at buwan.

Kaya nasabi ko...
Di bali na lang na di ako magmukhang matalino
Di bali na magulo ang arithmetic ko.
Ba't ko pa ba hahanapin si X at si Y?
Kung alam kong solved na ang buhay ko kay Jesus Christ.

So Yes! there was a time in my life
Binilang ko ang Love
Yes, silly, stupid na o tanga
Pero at least ngayon alam ko na
Hindi lahat kailangan nang numerical value
Madalas, di nabibigyan ng numero ang mga bagay na totoo.
Sapat na na malaman mo. 
Ang True Love, makikita mo lang ka Kristo.

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