IN THE FACE OF DEATH

I could have died
He could have pulled that trigger and take my life.

I could have dropped dead on that wet ground.

Rain and blood will flow and while unmoving, I'll watch my killers go.

I could have died and my friends would remember me rapping S2pid Luv as my last videoke song.

"Take Care" would have been my last text to my mom. 

Not knowing that ironically, I'm the one who needed to take care.

I could have died from a bullet wound.

Not from an undiagnosed ailment that I haven't confirmed yet 

because I couldn't catch up with my doctor's schedule.

Or maybe, he could have shot me in the arm and I would lose my hand.

and then after, I'll be only staring at the last painting I've drawn, which happens to be "hands".

Then I'll stare at the unfinished manuscript I'll probably won't be able to finish 

because where are my hands to write them.

Then after I'll be staring at my ukelele thinking about the last song I played, "Never Enough" 

thinking my hands won't be enough to play any instruments anymore.

How fragile this life of ours. It's never ours to protect. Never ours to hold.

Anytime, it could be taken. And my story could just be about some girl's tragic ending. 

I'll be in Cebu Flash News, a girl robbed and shot dead few steps from her home.

But I lived. He just pointed his gun but never pulled the trigger.
He pulled my bag and never even touch any of my fingers.

He could have punched me in the gut but no, he just rode on, run away after.

He chose to spare my life. And God! the breath that I breathe is now a new life.

If there's a life bar, I'd say I lost mine and before totally breaking down, God gave me a new one.

After shaking my nerves and crying my heart out, I remembered how hours earlier, 

I was reading a short reading about the life of Job. 

And yeah! After all the tragedy, he could have died but did not. 

He may have lost a lot of things...Wealth, family and health... but never his life. 

And in those total loss, he said. "Will I only accept all those good and not the bad?"

Just like that... I felt mixed emotions in my heart, from fear and for being thankful. 

Fear because the safe and comfortable alley I walked for almost 6 years has been invaded. 

Thankful for the new life I just gained. 

Most of the times, we count the things we lost. 

When we file a Police Report, we enumerate the worth of the things we've lost...
How much is in your purse?
How much did my Cellphone cost?
How much did my bag cost?
How much did my 12 cups worth of planner cost?
How much did that borrowed HD cost?

If I died that night... I wonder how my life would cost. Will Police Report also indicate my cost?

I wonder if, have I lived enough? 

Have I served enough? 

Have I loved enough? 

Have I lived my purpose? 

Will my family remember me as loving child or the just the unpredictable daughter who always did things in random? 

Will my Father in Heaven be satisfied with what I have done in this life? 

Have I glorified Him enough?

But I lived. I lived to be thankful for all I've gained, 

I lived to be joyful for those given to me even when I didn't ask

I live to be grateful even for those I didn't deserve to have.

God is really good.

In the face of death, Jesus saved me through the cross.

In the face of death, He delivered me from harm

and made sure not even a hair on my skin is touched.

That same God protected me from my enemies.

That same God covered me with his mantle.

That same God provided for me when I was empty.

That same God reminded me that no death can stop Him from loving me.